Destroying Your Reputation And Your Relationships

There are many ways to build a better reputation and great relationships.  It's probably true that it takes less time to destroy them than it took to build them, and it may well take even longer to re-build them.  We tend to notice these 'many ways' most readily when they go wrong in a big way, but often we are doing ourselves and our chances no good at all in small ways yet we don't realise we're doing it!

Communication
In our conversations and written communications we might be guilty of being patronising by asking lightweight, rhetorical questions at which the other person takes offence.  Even something as simple as, "Would you like to save time and money?" could be seen as patronising.

Then, our more heavyweight questions might be seen as too aggressive.  For example, "Are you sure you're getting it right every time?"

Many people dislike undue familiarity too soon in a relationship.  Using people's Christian names without even unspoken permission can set them against you, and they almost certainly won't tell you directly why they've now gone cold towards you.

Another gaffe to avoid is the use of highly dated clichés.  It just shows you've only learned what you know from a textbook, and you couldn't be bothered to buy an up to date one either!  This applies both to 'Sales speak' and to 'Adviser- or Sales Manager speak'.  Who wants to read, let alone hear, "And that's not all.  Just wait and see what else our product can do for you" or "Remember, people buy from people".  The thoughts may be correct but please, craft your own version of the message.

It is easily possible to get somebody's back up by being assumptively critical, so don't.  "You too can have an apartment in Monte Carlo like mine," isn't the best thing to say.  And putting people into categories when it's obvious you've had no prior contact doesn't do you any good at all, even if it's based on public domain information.  "As someone with two outstanding County Court Judgements against you ..."

Reliability
As well as in conversation and communication, another sure way to damage your reputation is by being seen to fail to deliver on promises you have made.  I have already explained elsewhere that the making and keeping of promises is an essential part of building people's trust in you.  If you behave like that before they're paying you, how much better will you be once they start?  And conversely, if you keep breaking promises before they start paying you, how likely is it you'll change your behaviour once they start?

The problem is that the apparent breaking of a promise can often be the result of the two parties having a different interpretation of what the promise actually was!

At its crudest, there are three elements to a promise.  For the sort of small promises I advocate you make and keep - actually I recommend you 'trade' them - continually, much of this doesn't require to be written, but it's still a good idea to make sure it is understood in the same way by both of you.

A promise generally consists of three elements, and it's essential to agree on these at the outset.

• Deliverables
• Payment
• Timescale

I believe deliverables are easy, but then my degree is in Engineering!  In that world there are some simple rules:

• If you want it, ask for it
• If it isn't in the design specification, don't be surprised if it isn't delivered
• The specification should be a list of 'questions' not 'answers' - You're paying for the 'answers'!
• If the form of the 'answer' is that important to you, it should form part of the 'question'

Going back to Henry Ford's quotation, don't ask for a faster horse if what you want is to be able to get 300 miles from Chicago to Detroit in just one day!
However, if you want to win the Derby, then ask for a faster horse!

Another thing that needs to be agreed up-front is how both parties will agree that the deliverables have been delivered - the Acceptance Criteria.  As I said, with very simple promises it's so easy it doesn't need writing down.  "I'll call you tomorrow at 10:30," contains the design specification, the acceptance criteria, the payment and the timescale.  But with more complex promises, failing to agree on the acceptance criteria at the outset leaves you open to a game of, "Oh yes I did - Oh no you didn't."

Agreeing the payment seems to be fairly simple once the deliverables and acceptance criteria have been agreed.  But, if you get into a negotiation, take a little care.  You may have to adjust the 'package' in order to reach a mutually acceptable 'price', so don't forget to feed back these adjustments into the specification and acceptance criteria.

So far, so good, but when we get to agreeing timescales, especially short timescales on more complex promises, things can get heated and emotional, if allowed to.  Only one person can control your use of your time, and that's YOU!  And it follows that you cannot control other people's use of their time.
They must do it for themselves.

On a complex promise, you need to get 'buy-in' from the rest of the team when it comes to timescales, and this must be done in an atmosphere where everybody feels free to say, "I just can't do all that you are asking within the time you are suggesting."

Have a great reputation and satisfying relationships.

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